Tales of Crack
by forkandspoon
Summary: Estelle has creepy octopus arms, Carol is getting beat on, Yuri is obsessed with a certain blond-haired blue-eyed knight and the whole gang is invited to a party at the castle! What madness will ensue! Bad summary, sorry. Slight OOC is to be expected.


**Tales of Vesperia Crack**

**Prepare for madness!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. Tales of Vesperia is the property of Namco and Bandai.**

"You wake him up!"

"No you!"

"Um...no thanks…"

Yuri shifted in his bed and opened his eyes, only to find himself surrounded by Karol, Estelle, Raven, Judith, Rita, and Repede.

"Oh dear Lord!" he cried, before muttering, "It's just a dream, it's just a dream…" to himself over and over again like a mantra.

"Unfortunately for ya, we're real, Yuri," Raven said.

Yuri's eyes snapped open again.

"Damn…" he muttered, pulling himself out of bed. When they all looked crestfallen he added. "It's not that I'm not happy to see you guys it's just... waking up to all of your faces was kind of ulcer-inducing."

They all brightened up at that and Yuri was thankful that they were so simple-minded.

"Now I'm going to get changed so could you guys get out of my room?" he asked.

They filed out of his room and he slammed the door behind them, hitting Karol in the back of the head and nearly rendering him unconscious.

"Ouch!" he cried, rubbing the back of his head. "Yuri sure seems to be in a bad mood."

"I'm thinkin' that maybe crowding around a sleeping man wasn't such a good idea," Raven said.

"But he looked super cute with his cheeks all pink with sleep," Estelle beamed. "So it was worth it."

Judith gave her a considering look.

"Are you sure you're feeling all right? You're almost starting to sound like a fangirl."

"Oh, she's always been Yuri's fangirl. Remember that time when Yuri let her have the rest of his Mabo Curry? Estelle, thinking about how she and Yuri were exchanging an indirect kiss, got a nosebleed and ended up being hospitalized. _That _is a definite sign of fangirlness," Rita said.

Estelle, meanwhile, was sitting facing a corner of the room, her arms dancing around her like tentacles.

"I never got to eat that Mabo Curry! MY LIFE IS OVER!" she cried, her arms flailing frighteningly faster.

Yuri chose that exact moment to walk out of his room. He took one look at Estelle and stood frozen outside of his bedroom door.

"Why is Estelle sitting in the darkest corner of the room flailing her arms like some emo octopus?" he asked, sounding like he didn't particularly want to hear the answer.

"Because she missed your indirect kiss," Rita answered.

Yuri shook his head and walked over to Estelle.

"Hey, Estelle, your arms are starting to freak me out so…" he kneeled down beside her, placed his hand against her cheek and kissed her. As he pulled away, Estelle turned an astonishing shade of red.

"My…life…is…complete!" she cried, blood spurting from her nose and ears like a fountain. She collapsed on the ground moments later. Yuri whipped her blood off his cheek with the back of his sleeve.

"I often have that affect on people," he said, sounding proud.

"Is she _dead_?" Karol asked, poking Estelle with the back of his axe.

Judith, who was using the blood pooling around Estelle as finger paint, said, "I'm sure she'll be fine."

Yuri kicked Estelle's body absentmindedly. When she remained limp he pulled a bottle containing a glowing white liquid from out of his pant pocket.

"Wow, I didn't know a bottle that big could fit in your pockets!" Karol said in admiration. "Are your pockets never-ending like Felix the cat's handbag?"

"Nope, and this wasn't in my pocket," Yuri replied.

Karol blinked.

"Then where…?" he started to ask but Raven cut him off.

"There are some things you're better of not knowin'," he said.

Yuri uncorked the bottle with his teeth and poured the liquid down Estelle's throat. She started to cough and then sat up, the colour returning to her face.

"Woah…" she said, blinking. "I thought I was a goner for a second."

"Well, be happy I hand this Life Bottle with me, or you would have been," Yuri replied. "You shouldn't go around spurting blood like that whenever somebody kisses you."

Estelle remembered the kiss and blushed.

"Okay," she said. "But does that mean we're a couple now?"

"Nope," Yuri said, standing up. "I like the blond-hair-blue-eye type myself. Pink hair is a definite turn-off."

"Blond hair, blue eyes…does he mean Fl – ouch!" Karol cried as Raven hit him on the head. "Stop doing that! I'm going to have permanent brain damage by the end of the day!"

"Oh, don't worry. You already have _plenty _of brain damage," Rita said.

"What are you talking about? I'm not stupid! I know that one plus one equals window! What more is there to know?" Karol cried.

Everyone stared at him in silence. Yuri sighed and said at length, "Why are you guys here anyway?"

Estelle beamed.

"There's a party at the castle and you're all invited!" she said. "Oh, and don't worry, I already have costumes ready for you."

"Is Flynn going?" Yuri asked.

"Yep."

"Then I'm in!" he said. Then his eyes became sinister. "Tonight my powers of seduction will surely render him defenceless."

Everyone shivered and chose to ignore that last bit.

"So, when's the party?" Judith asked.

"In a few hours so we should head to the castle now," Estelle said, "Via _teleportation._"

She raised her arms towards the ceiling, her eyes wide and excited. When nothing happened, she looked around in confusion.

"No teleportation?" she asked, clearly disappointed.

"What? Were you expecting the Adephagos to pop up and whisk you all the way to the castle?" Yuri asked dryly.

"I'm so glad we understand each other," Estelle said happily. "I do kind of miss those tentacle thingies in the sky. As to why the Adephagos looked like a bunch of giant tentacles is a mystery to me, but I suppose I sort of thought we had something in common." She began walking down the hallway, her arms flailing again in that disturbingly boneless way.

"Something is very, _very _wrong with that girl," Yuri muttered before following her. The rest of the gang followed in his wake.

**Reviews are always appreciated. I will most likely write a part two soon!**


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